Actually Taken From Classified Ads In Newspapers:


FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG.
------------------------------
FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 COCKER SPANIEL
1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG
------------------------------
FREE PUPPIES... 
PART GERMAN SHEPHERD 
PART STUPID DOG
------------------------------
GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs.
NEUTERED. 
SPEAKS GERMAN. 
FREE.
 -------------------------------------
FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.
LOOKS LIKE A RAT...
BEEN OUT AWHILE.
BETTER BE REWARD.
 -----------------------------------
MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB 
-- $850/offer
----------------------------
SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...
ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
 -------------------------------
2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES:
1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15
 ------------------------------
TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, 
COMES WITH ITS  OWN 
1988 MUSTANG, 5L, AUTO,
EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800
 ------------------------------
COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED...
ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
 -----------------------------------
FULL SIZED MATTRESS.
20 YR. WARRANTY.
LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.
 ------------------------------------
NORDIC TRACK $300
HARDLY USED, 
CALL CHUBBY
  -------------------------------------
 BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING
"WE HAUL AMERICAN-MADE PRODUCTS"
 --------------------------------------
 SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - 
FREE CHOPSTICKS
--------------------------------------
 HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER
"IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"
----------------------------------------
 HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB
-----------------------------------------
 GEORGIA PEACHES
 CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.
 ------------------------------------------
 NICE PARACHUTE:
 NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE
 -------------------------------------------
 TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR?
 WE OFFER PROFIT SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS.
 STARTING PAY: $7 -- $9 PER HOUR.
---------------------------------------------
 EXERCISE EQUIPMENT:
 QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS - $175.
 ---------------------------------------------
 OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB
 AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.
-----------------------------------------------
 JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
 MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER
 $300.
 ---------------------------------------------
 ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES
 FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER
 --------------------------------------------
 OPEN HOUSE
 BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON
 FREE COFFEE & DONUTS
 ---------------------------------------
 (AND THE BEST ONE)

 FOR SALE BY OWNER
 Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. 
Excellent condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. 
No longer needed. Got married last weekend. 
Wife knows everything.