BRAIN CRAMPS  

 

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"That  lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm  just the one to do it,"

--A  congressional candidate in Texas. 
 


         []   (  On  September 17, 1994, Alabama's Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss  America 1995.) 
Question:  If you could  live forever, would you and why?

 

Answer:  "I would not  live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were  supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live  forever, which is why I would not live forever," 

 

--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA  contest. 

 

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"It  isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."

--Al Gore,  Vice President



 

 
 


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"Whenever I watch TV and see  those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean  I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death  and  stuff."                                    

--Mariah  Carey

 

 

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"Smoking kills. If you're  killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," 

--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become  Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign. 

 

 

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"I've  never had major knee surgery on any other part of my  body,"     

--Winston Bennett, University of  Kentucky basketball  forward.



 

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"Outside of the killings,  Washington has one of the lowest crime  rates in the country,"

--Mayor  Marion Barry, Washington, DC. 

 



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"I'm  not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the  president." (we????)

--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of  subpoenaed documents. 

 

 

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"Half  this game is ninety percent mental."

--Philadelphia  Phillies manager, Danny Ozark 

 

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"I  love California. I practically grew up in  Phoenix." (does he know where he almost grew up?)

--Dan Quayle

 

 

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"We've got to pause and ask  ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" (I  say all we can get, I'll take his clean air)

--Lee  Iacocca

 

 

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"The  word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman  Einstein." -

--Joe  Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst. 

 

 

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"We  don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of  people." (Oh)??????

--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC  Instrutor.

 

 

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"If  we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."  (hmmm???????)

--Bill  Clinton, President

 

 

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"We  are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." 

 

--Al Gore, VP (gosh, he's  smart)

 

 

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"Traditionally, most of  Australia's imports come from  overseas."

 

--Keppel  Enderbery

 

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"Your  food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received  notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there  is a change in your circumstances."

--Department  of Social Services, Greenville, South  Carolina

 

 

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"If  somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go  to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next  morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." 

--Mark S.  Fowler, FCC Chairman

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....Makes you feel kinda smart doesn't it.